All the minutes in the world

"just 5 more minutes"....

I think to myself as I hear my son through the baby monitor at 5:30am. He has discovered that he can now stand up on his own, and so now every moment that he's awake...that's what he has to do. When his little eyes first open in the morning, he quickly stands up, grabs a hold of the crib and makes any noise possible to get me in there. 5:30am people, that's stinkin early.

"just 5 more minutes"...

I mutter to myself as I try to scan over the last few emails in my inbox. I know that I can get about 15 minutes in if I put Isaak in the jumparoo and turn on baby einstein. He is in love with the puppets and they seem to capture his attention, only until he realizes that there's a ball in the other corner with his name on it. That's when the screaming starts. Come on sweetie ... just hold on for another minute, and I'll put the computer down.

"just 5 more minutes"...

i say it again, as we round the last 2 rows in Target.
diapers (check!)
wipes (check!)
new sleepers that actually fit (check!)
formula (check!)
desitin - the kind that actually comes out of the tube (check!)
puffs - only the banana kind (check!).
New mascara for mommy... (not happening) b/c we've now passed the threshhold of contentment in the red shopping cart. To the car we go, and maybe we'll hit the cosmetic isle and the clearance rack another day.

This morning as I heard little baby Isaak mumbles travel through the monitor into my ear at an all to early 5:30, I grunted, and made my way to his room.
Before I had time to mutter "just 5 more minutes" I was greeted by a grin so big there are no words to describe. He let go of the crib to reach for me and then realized that he was standing on his own, fear came over him for a brief moment but before he could cry I had already grabbed him up. I felt little hands go around my neck, and his feet started kicking in excitement as he realized it was breakfast time. I set him in his high chair and gave him his morning toast, and I sat on the couch for a minute to finish waking up.

I thought to myself about how many times I've repeated in my head something about just having a few more minutes for me. And then I realized… I've had it all wrong.
It's not about that. It’s not about me.

It’s about the fact that I have been chosen, hand-picked, honored to be a mommy to the most beautiful boy in the world. A boy who demands so much yet gives me so much in return.

The other night, we got ready for bathtime. I’m pretty sure he could feel my anxiousness as I set him in the tub. He probably knew that this was going to be a quick one. Hurry up. Wash hair, wash face, clean behind ears, clean the booty…a final rinse and we’re done. Then I noticed him as he pushed my arm out of the way to reach for his rubber duck with the police outfit on, that one is his favorite. He looked at me as if to say. “Hold on, mom, I want to play!” Straight in the mouth it went. He looked over at me and grinned. I took a minute and relaxed. I let my mind wander for a minute to what my life would be like if Isaak was taken from us. The most devastating, horrible thoughts filled my mind. I looked back at him and thanked God for my little miracle, and we played and played until he couldn’t play anymore. I put his jammies on and whispered in his ear.

“You can have all the minutes in the world!”

Oh that I never forget what a miracle you are Isaak. You are my world. I could not ask for anything more.