31 weeks and such

I know you're in shock that I'm blogging twice in one week.  I am too.  Definitely a rarity these days.  But a pregnancy update is due.

31 WEEKS

I have gained about 15 pounds so far.  I'm expecting to gain a total of 25-30 lbs when it's all said and done.  I actually maintained my weight all the way through the 18th week of this pregnancy.  I'm guessing that's due to the fact that I was still nursing Jude and chasing him and Isaak around all the time.  But the last 10 weeks or so I've caught back up.  I'm happy with where I'm at, and actually don't really care too much this time around.  Funny how a good dose of perspective can change so much.

I feel a ton better at this point in my pregnancy than I did with Jude's.  Just take a look at my 31 week post with Jude, and look at my feet!!!!!!!!  OMG, I can happily HAPPILY say my feet do not look anything like that this time around.  I'm hoping that means that all the complications I had last time are passing me by.

I have, however, battled A LOT of anxiety during this pregnancy.  A lot of it is attributed to my fear of the same things happening again... i.e. flu, pre-eclampsia, early delivery, c-section, preemie, NICU etc.  Every little twinge, every time something just feels off, every time I get a cold, I immediately want to freak out thinking I'm headed in that direction again.  So, I've really had to pray for a lot of peace, and DAILY release those fears because the reality is it's out of my control.  I've done everything I know to do to take care of myself and prevent complications, so the rest is out of my hands.  I'm just praying and hoping for a full term pregnancy, and trying to stay calm in the mean time.

We are working on the nursery.  We painted the walls a blue color.  It's like a blueish-gray, but turned out more blue than gray, if that makes sense.  We don't really have a theme, but it will be blue, gray and white.  Hoping it comes together soon.  It will also have a day bed in there, so can double as a guest bedroom if needed.  We have officially filled every room in our house.  What a lovely feeling. :)

I've had a couple pet peeves this time around too.  I'll share since this is my blog and I can say whatever I want. :)

1.  People thinking that because I'm having my third boy that it somehow decreases my excitement or love or anticipation for this baby.  OH MY GOODNESS.  Would I have liked to had a girl, sure.  After two boys, who wouldn't?!?  But do I get to control that, nope!  And honestly, I don't want to.  I don't really owe an explanation to anyone on why I'm happy to have a third boy.  I had probably 349 people tell me it was a girl, oh a couple dozen prophecies, and even a dream or two that it was a girl, but guess what - It's a boy, my son, with a wee-wee, and from head to stinkin' toe I'm in love with him 110%.  So the comments like "awww bummer, well at least you already know what to do" "don't worry, there's always next time" "be happy because boys are cheaper anyway" can be kept to yourself, because I'm over that junk.

2.  People sharing their 'you're life will be hell' comments openly with me because I am having 2 kids year apart.  Wow.  I mean, isn't it common sense already that I'm going to be tired?  Isn't it common sense to assume I'm not going to be having spa days and loads of free time to paint my nails and do pinterest projects?  Obviously, having a 14 month old and a newborn won't be the easiest task in the world, but wouldn't it be nice to hear positive things spoken over me?  I had a friend just lay her hand on my shoulder and pray, out of nowhere that this baby would be an easy baby, who slept well and enjoyed riding in the car.  What a blessing.  I had another friend with tears in her eyes tell me how excited she was to see these two boys grow up together because she just knew they'd be best friends. SEE!!! Those are the things I need to hear, those are the things that I can be reassured of.  The negativity, Oh my, I need no help there.

Names, oh the name.  I'm sure you were wondering when I'd bring that up. :) We don't have a for sure name yet.  There are a few things floating out there - and I'm sure it'll be solidified in the weeks to come, but for now we are okay with waiting a little longer.  So, just be patient.

"Every baby deserves to be celebrated"... is what a friend said to me the other day.  That was shortly after another friend had texted me asking me if I was having a shower.  And the answer, I suppose, is yes.  I am thankful for the people who have cared, and who have genuinely celebrated this pregnancy and this baby with us from the early weeks until now, even though I just went through the same thing a year ago.  I'm thankful for the people who realize that this baby is just as big of a deal as Jude was, as Isaak was, and I'm thankful for the people who helped convince me that yes, this baby too, deserves to be celebrated.   And even if all he gets is diapers, it's a blessing nonetheless.

I am getting to the point in pregnancy where it's getting harder to breathe, and it's magnified because Jude still likes to be held a lot of the time.  And I still rock him to sleep for naps and bedtime.  So I've really been relying on Amick a lot to help me.  I honestly don't leave the house much anymore.  Not because I'm depressed or anything, but because it's SO MUCH EASIER to be at home and let Jude roam around and play or sit on the couch with me, than to fight the mall crowds or restaurants or errand running while having to carry him on my hip with a bulging belly. I'm becoming more and more okay with that.  Being a homebody can be fun.  (I never thought I'd say that)

I wanted to end this post with a more emotional side to this pregnancy.  I've had my ups and downs, my feelings of pure joy followed by complete incapability.  I have moments where I feel him move all around and see a knee bulge from my side or feel a booty in my ribs and I just want to lose it.  Because I go back to this time about 2 years ago.  When I had just about convinced myself - that I would NEVER ever get to experience this again.  And I just say thank you.  for this baby.  And while I don't get to fully know yet how he will come, when he will come or what he will be like - I can only be thankful for what i know and have right now.  I am pretty certain that this boy completes our family, and while I can't say it with 100% certainty,  I do have an immense peace that this baby boy born will be a chapter closed in my life.  A pregnancy chapter closed.  And I look forward to the days, years ahead watching my family grow up and move into a season where I am nurturing my children outside of the womb.  I look forward to being the very best mom to these three boys that I can be. But, it just makes me a little more emotional to see these last pregnancy weeks go by, to think that these hiccups, and kicks and ultrasounds - will soon be a thing of the past.  What a bittersweet feeling it is.

Pregnancy - a word that has absolutely consumed my life for the past 6 years.  Over the last 6 years I've been pregnant 9 times.  Many many many weeks of hormonal ups and downs, and joys and losses, and pain and love, and miracles and heartbreak and crazy crazy life.  It's hard to think of my life without being defined by that word.  I have a feeling there is more healing to come - but I look forward to it.  I welcome it.

So here's to 8.5 more weeks of pregnancy.  8.5 more weeks of a beautiful, awesome baby boy growing INSIDE my tummy.  I can't wait to meet you, I pray for you, you will have a great name, I am so glad you are a boy, I can't imagine anything else - and you will be so so loved.

Be blessed!